Update

Hello!

It's been a long time since I've written for this blog, and there has been reasons (such as my family health circumstances, and personal mental health circumstances), as I've relapsed in 2020, and then lost my appetite due to some family health stuff going on and due to my personal reasons.

In 2021, I then experienced extreme hunger so I could return to my normal weight, however I started binge eating as a mechanism to cope with my emotions which I have finally been able to set to intuitive eating now since grade 9.

Then I entered my first year of University, but internally I was still struggling and unhappy inside, which led me to continue binging, and starving and the cycle would continue.

I haven't been clinically diagnosed, but during my first term of university I experienced all the symptoms of depression. Honestly, I think even before I entered university, in grade 12, I was mildly depressed but I distracted myself through work and a jam-packed schedule. However when I entered university, facing all these transitions on top of everything that I was going through exacerbated my mental health.

During that time, every single day I was sad, and I was hoping for a "normal" day. I was working out, getting enough sleep etc/ "doing the things for your mental health" but I was still sad. I talked to my RA since she noticed, talked to a couple of my few friends about it and received their support. I will write another post with all the videos and techniques I used to get better and get back on track, but I want to say healing takes time, and you will inevitably face bumps.

Going back to my eating, I would always tell myself that I would stop binging but I would end up binging, and feel horrible after and then would severely restrict myself. For example, if it wasn't a certain "day" that I could have certain foods, I couldn't even bring myself to eat for example, a croissant or a doughnut even if I was craving it. For the longest time since grade 9 I have struggled with my hunger cues, as that cue of feeling satiated was never there.

Here are some things I did to return to my intuitive eating schedule

-During summer and term 1, I did a lot of weight training, which put a lot of fatigue on my muscles

-During winter break, I completely stopped weight training and tried out more cardio/hiit which is better for my mental health

-When I got back to school for term 2, I started running more often (I ran a couple of times but not much, but I noticed that it helped make me feel better), and I just ran 5k a couple of days ago :D

-I also do yoga/ pilates now with it, and weight train 1-2x a week but most importantly I do what I feel!! Exercising is for your health, and it should never feel obsessive and pushing past your limits

-I LISTENED to my body to rest when I needed

-I made sure i was eating healthy foods (salad with my meals, fruits, antioxidants, enough proteins/carbs and fats) and ALLOWING myself to go for a doughnut or whatever because I wanted it, not because it was the "only day" that I could have those foods

- I talked to my friends about this problem, and they gave me their tips (as body image is a rampant issue in our society)

But yeah, I am happy to say that I am on a normal eating schedule, for example going for bubble tea last night with a friend just cause I was craving it, and not being the lame person now refusing food or snacks from others.

Most importantly, I eat what makes me feel good, as I want to live a healthy life!

So if you are in a dark place and struggling with your relationship with food, just know that you are not alone in this and that you will get out of it, and see a life so much more meaningful filled with joy and happiness. It takes great internal strength and perseverance, and make sure you congratulate yourself for little wins, and wherever you are at, I am proud of you for standing back up despite falling down and trying.

-C