My story

Food is something that I have struggled with: I experienced an eating disorder. During that time, I was starting to feel self conscious; for example, I felt obliged to wear makeup every single day when I went out. This stemmed from numerous factors such as friend and family problems. Also, I compared my body shape to others’ figures. This engendered me to slowly cut down my portions, then increasing my exercise time. I started to throw away my lunch, and started only eating a minimal portion per day. If I ate something, I felt compelled to exercise to burn it off. I hated myself and hated how I looked. I thought that I needed to be thin and to be loved. After I became very thin, I then judged others for their figure and felt proud for being the skinniest one; this is an unhealthy mindset. During this process, I grew fearful of food. I was scared of bread, rice and I did not consume meat for an entire year. I barely ate. I also woke up early in the mornings to exercise. I was hurting my body and exhausting myself every single day. Furthermore, my relationship with my parents deteriorated because they wanted me to eat and stay healthy. This mindset persevered until my dance teacher noticed and I started to eat again and recover slowly. Food is still difficult for me and I still compare myself with others; however, now I listen to my body. I eat when I’m hungry and I stop when I am full. I try to respond to my cravings and try to escape my comfort zone of sticking with healthy food with my meals. During quarantine, I know it is an especially difficult time because we are inside our home and in control of what we have to eat. Please don’t skip your meals. Please don’t feel obliged to lose weight. You need to stay healthy to do what you want to do and to achieve your goals. I also lost my period due to my eating disorder (which is now back because I had to go to the doctor and receive medication to increase my hormone levels)

Your brain needs to be nourished to function. Also, I did not realize how I have others who love me and support me, for who I am and not my weight or my appearance. Please remember that you are beautiful and that there are people that appreciate you.

Right now, the pandemic is triggering my past eating patterns and some of my past thoughts about body image. At these times, I try to distract myself and practice self-care by doing the things I love to do.

Life is about balance. Yes, you should try to eat healthy and to incorporate exercise to maintain your health; however, this should not prohibit you still from enjoying the food you love (:

If you need help with eating, PLEASE don’t feel trapped and if you don’t want to express a feeling to your family, you can call:

NEDA Helpline: (800)-931-2237 or TEXT NEDA to 741741

and I have put a bunch of other resources under the resources tab.

You are beautiful and you deserve to be happy.

C.